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  #1  
Old 09-07-2005, 06:40 PM
Ian Mullen Ian Mullen is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: here
Posts: 4
Default Joke

A guy is getting ready for work. He drinks his coffee, fixes his tie, gathers his briefcase and walks out of his house. He is almost to his car when he realizes he forgot his keys. He turns around and heads back to the house, suddenly he notices a huge, 300 pound gorilla on his roof. It's beating its chest, pulling off shingles and throwing them on the ground.

"Damn!", says the guy, "I can't go to work with a gorilla on my roof!"

So he goes inside his house and picks up the phone book. Flipping through, not sure who to call, he finds a big, one page ad reading "Gorilla Removal Services". So he quick dials the number.

"Hello, Gorilla Removal Services . ."

"Yeah, I have a gorilla on my roof."

Don't worry, we'll be there soon, just give me the address."

So he gives the person the address and waits outside. 15 minutes later a van pulls up with "Gorilla Removal Services" written on his van. A man gets out and says,

"Ah, gorilla on the roof eh? I'll have him down in no time." And the man starts getting the tools out of his van. He gets a ladder, a pair of handcuffs, a little cage with a snarling pitbull in it, and a shotgun.

"Hey, whats all this stuff for?", says the guy.

"Well, this is what you need to get a gorilla. The procedure is like this, I take the ladder and get up on the roof. I then throw the gorilla off of the roof. As soon as he hits the ground, that pitbull is trained to bust out of the cage and bite him in the balls. The gorilla covers himself with both hands, you slap on the cuffs, and we take him away."

"Well, whats the shotgun for?"

"Thats a safty device. In the unlikely event that the gorilla throws ME off the roof . . .SHOOT THE DOG!"

anybody have any good ones?
IM
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  #2  
Old 09-07-2005, 06:56 PM
Zachary C. Kanfer
 
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There was this magic tractor. It was driving down a dirt road, and suddenly, it turned into a field.

So, this guy told me that I had some mold growing above my garage, but I told him that it was ok; it's just a spore-attic problem.

You know what a Freudian slip is? It's where you say one thing, but you were thinking of a mother.

/tip your waitress.
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  #3  
Old 09-07-2005, 07:04 PM
Kevin P. Egan's Avatar
Kevin P. Egan Kevin P. Egan is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 249
Default

Two male flies are buzzing around, cruising for good looking females. One spots a real cutie sitting on a pile of cow manure and dives down toward her.

"Pardon me" he asks, turning on his best charm, ...but is this stool taken?"
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"I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence."
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  #4  
Old 09-08-2005, 09:31 AM
Ian Mullen Ian Mullen is offline
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Default another

A guy walks into a bar (ouch), sits down, orders a beer and as he's drinking it he glacing up at the cealing and sees dozons of steaks and other odd pieces of meat hanging from the eves.

"Hey bartender", the guy yells, "Whats with all the meat hanging from the cealing?"

"Its a bar bet. If you can stand on your stool, jump in the air and grab any piece of meat off the cealing with your teeth, you win $500. If you miss, you gotta eat 1 pound of raw ground beef."

The guy looks at the cealing, looks at the bartender, gets up and is about to climb onto his stool, when he shakes his head and sits down.

"No, I don't think I'll take that bet."

"Why not?"

"The steaks are too high."

hardyharhar
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  #5  
Old 09-08-2005, 11:04 AM
Zachary C. Kanfer
 
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When the priest began lecturing about peace, everyone knew that it was going to be a mass of weapon destruction.
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  #6  
Old 09-09-2005, 09:27 AM
John D. Holcomb's Avatar
John D. Holcomb John D. Holcomb is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: location location
Posts: 57
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Why did I even read these? I knew it would be bad.
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  #7  
Old 09-16-2005, 05:02 PM
Zachary C. Kanfer
 
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Default

use

Code:
[color=white]text here[/colour]

to make spoilers, but spelled "color" both times. I tried to make the code show without using CODE tags, but it didn't work. I was hoping & # 9 1 ; without spaces wouldn't show up until the HTML was processed on the computer, but no luck. and then I couldn't find the way to show the code without mispelling color, or at least mixing American and British. feh.

is there any way to make it so that a part of code isn't processed?

you've found the easter egg. congrats.
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  #8  
Old 09-22-2005, 12:16 PM
Ryan J. Crowley
 
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I'm confused.

You can change the color in the toolbox.

So what is a spoiler tag?
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  #9  
Old 09-22-2005, 02:58 PM
Michael C. Heumann
 
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan J. Crowley
I'm confused.

You can change the color in the toolbox.

So what is a spoiler tag?

You can also change the color using tags, as compared to the menu of colors.
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  #10  
Old 09-22-2005, 03:00 PM
Russell W. Sprague's Avatar
Russell W. Sprague Russell W. Sprague is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Hoboken, NJ
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan J. Crowley
I'm confused.

You can change the color in the toolbox.

So what is a spoiler tag?
Spoiler tags are often used on message boards to mask spoilers from those who, well, don't want things spoiled. On the KoL forums, for example, the spoiler tags used to be black boxes with white text that changed to white text on mouseover. After some complaints, it was switched to black text on black that required people to highlight the text.
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